Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
