My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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