marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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