so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
COCAINE IS GR8
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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