forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
