life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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