Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
