if you like me you must not know who I am
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
