Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
