Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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