Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
