i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
