on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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