Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There r osticjed everywhere
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
