I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
