Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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