Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
