Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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