My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
