the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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