he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
