How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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