That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
