i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
