***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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