Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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