I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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