My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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