Jerry, you need to find god
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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