Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
