I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
