it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
