I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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