TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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