I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
