She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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