she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
