No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
