why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
