i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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