Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
