I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
