dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
