she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
