If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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