so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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