Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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