bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
