I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
