Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
