My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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